There is a lack of content-ness.
The mind doesn't stay at peace longer than a few moments.
Makes you feel inadequate, and incomplete. The mind wanders off quicker, uncollected your thoughts feel like a clutter. The realization is spontaneous and it's effects are continuous.
The people around you keep on reminding you that you aren't on the right path. which as it seems is the right one.
How do you relate the present state of the situation with the previously analyzed data.The mind seems to be able to analyze data faster when the contingency mode is on.
These are the symptoms of a problem bigger than expected, or acknowledged.
How do you disclose it others who may or may not understand. it shouldn't work this way. you should be able to handle it all on your own.
so let me jump down to this conclusion. i think i should start staying away a little bit.
the problem exists in the processing and reactions of my brain. i just know two situations, either extremely analytic, or extremely nice/caring. i have no other mode. and the transition between the two leads to an area of vulnerability. who would've reacted in which ways is totally a subject to market condition. how other people process information in their heads cannot be known. dealing with people is the only thing that matters to the existence.
okay. so .. stop analyzing it any further. you now need to focus on the study part so that you can achieve the goals that you intend to with minimum hassle. ]
if you realize that these goals are of much high importance than your petty states of mind. you will know that prioritizing is important. it takes you places. not your stupid little chumming.
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